Alex Goot - Dark Blue (Jack’s Mannequin Cover)
Blessing of the day
A pleasant bus ride to my clinical practicum, because the friendly bus driver took it upon himself to say take care, or have a nice day to every person who got off the bus. Someone takes the back door? He’ll yell it.
Makes me smile from the inside out when people do small things they don’t have to simply because they care.
Purpose? I thought I had an idea, but I’m not sure I really worked on it. Are intentions ever enough?
Without a doubt though, the greatest thing there that I know is family. To care and be cared for even with an absence of twelve or more years. Somehow this love is genuine, it can’t really be explained. Long story short, I have heard and witnessed, and stand amazed at what family can pull you through. And getting to know and understand my mom and dad’s side of the family – their quirks, their mannerisms, and their upbringing – It’s strange, I’m starting to understand them much more than I ever have these past twenty years. And honestly, I feel an incredible liberty, being free of any negative attitudes and criticisms I had before.
Spending time with friends and getting to know them even more outside of a busy schedule has been uninhibited and awesome too.
The society: God really works in different ways in different places. Perhaps it is family and food here, since Chinese people are so big on family gatherings during meals. I don’t know. Food is oh-so-cheap compared to North America here though. The spending and the amount of material things you can buy here though, is ridiculous! Consume, consume! Although yes, population is so much denser, I think there are more high-end stores here in this tiny little place than in North America. In a place where they’re only thinking of implementing minimum wage of HKD$33 ($4-5 Cdn), the rich must be extremely rich, and the poor.. well, they’re sitting by the sides of the streets without even a glance from the people with Chanel, LV, Gucci and the like hurrying past in the ever-crowded city.
Something to remember and remind myself with: For every person I care about and care about me, God loves infinitely more. For every seemingly inconsiderate and rude person I bump into on the street (or anybody for that matter) and get irritated at, God does NOT love any less. What gives me the right to?
The strongest conviction:
One day at Macau witnessing so much desire for material wealth, and then the next day just stripping it all down – hearing a message that really spoke to me, enjoying the beach with friends, watching the sun reflectonto the water along with a rainbow. There is simply absolutely nothing in the world that is more beautiful than creation. I heard 3 words with such clarity right then and there: God is better. And there’s nothing more true. No matter what it is, God is better. Always!
The greatest feeling must be truly giving it all up to God. No, I’m not even close to surrendering everything, but a baby step closer felt so darn good.
The reason why people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.
Days like this, you look up at the sky above you.
Days like this, yeah, you think about the ones that love you.
And all I wanna do is live my life honestly.
I just wanna wake up and see your face next to me.
Every regret I have will go set free. It will be good for me.
Days like this, yeah you think about the ones that went before you.
Days like this, have you ever seen the sky such a clear blue?
- Kim Taylor
Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful.
Mayda del Valle: To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before
We are not your mothers. You have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years. Yet you come to us wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time, trying to suck a lost sense of self dry. We have become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows. Have become much to accustomed to waiting for our empty beds to be weighed down with the body’s of men, heavy with the scent and the hands of other women and we simply wanting to be loved and to love ourselves unconditionally.
Simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not. Play Hester Prynne, place scarlet letters on our chest. Become adulteresses, cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve. Willing to settle for less, willing to act like a little less then a goddess, willing to sleep with the enemy. Men to scared to stop acting like boys, thinking we can love away their scars. So we take the lashes of their insecurities they pour on us, and lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls that we lose by the minute.
You said you had a photographic memory. But apparently you forgot that honesty begins by being real with yourself and the ones you claim you love. The truth cannot be hidden, what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love. You should have known that, claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly.
I guess shit happens. I just wish it wasn’t me. And I guess it’s so much better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. I know that’s some easy shit to say but I’m still gonna try to live by it, I’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it. I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in. I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shiny, full of the knowledge.
I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty. I will remove this scarlet letter from my chest, and take the hand of the little girl I used to be and say I’m sorry to her, I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved. And I will wait for a man to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me.